Happy Valentine's Day From Marymount College!

Need a Valentine card? Use one of ours.

Finding Nemo is property of Disney /Pixar. 

Brought you to by the wacky minds of Marymount College Admission.

Email Etiquette is as Neglected as Sun Block on the Jersey Shore

Photo of Nikki's awfulsome attire from Sodahead.com

In Pt. 1, "The Problem," I detailed the decay of electronic communication, which is nearly as advanced as the decay of Nikki Menaj's fashion sense. If you read that post, you may have gleaned that while reclaiming the electronically-written word is a personal crusade of mine, it's also a pretty big deal when it comes to college admission (and, subsequently, the rest of your life).


Never let it be said that I was the type to present a problem without offering a solution. In fact, I offer 10. 


So, without further ado I present Pt. 2, "The Solution."

Ten Ways To Ensure You Will NEVER Be Admitted To College

http://writing.wikinut.com/img/2188z727cx43bs.l/Rejection-stamp

Do you delight in defeat? Are you a "winner" only as defined by Charlie Sheen? Are you applying to college simply to pile more rejection onto your life-long resume of regret?


If so, this post is for you. 


(If you're one of those do-good-ers who actually wants to attend college, you should probably avoid doing anything on this list. It won't do you any favors.) 


How NOT to be admitted to college, after the jump:

Happy Thanksgiving From Marymount College!

The Eternal Question This Thanksgiving:

There comes a time where every man must ask:

“To brine, or not to brine, that is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler for the bird to get dunked in a liquid of immense salinity, or to take it into my arms and with a sea of butter, lovingly baste it. To brine, to dry out no more; and by brine we end the long history of moisture-sucking breast meat, the heartache of a bird sacrificed only to go uneaten. The flesh so moist: ‘tis a consumption devoutly to be devoured. To baste, to butter—to crisp and brown the skin—aye, with a spice rub. For in the basting, what flavor may come when I turn on the electric coil of my oven must give us pause—the respect of the in-laws to be earned. For we cannot bear the whips and scorn of the dinner guests for a bird cooked wrong, the poor cook’s pangs of dispriz’d dinner….”

Alas, poor Butterball, I’ll cook you well.

Experts Agree: Marymount Housing is More Awesome Than Soviet Bloc Apartments

Yeah, we're pretty proud of our Residential Life at Marymount. After all, you get a house—a fully-furnished two-or-three bedroom townhouse to be more specific. And we include utilities, food (from the same company that caters for the Getty Museum), parking, 24-hour gated security, and transportation. 

It's certainly better than some of the alternatives.


Learn more here, or check it out during our Fall Preview Day on November 19th! 

There's More Panic About Housing Than When Fannie And Freddie Burst The Bubble

With our August 23rd and 24th move-in dates fast approaching, many of you are thinking about your upcoming stay in our Residential Communities, and that thinking has given rise to some pressing questions...

Marymount College Memes! Create your own!

Absolute gem from new student Charlie W.

A meme—for those of you who aren't surgically connected to your computer's hard drive—is defined as: "an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture."

Within the wild west of the World Wide Web, memes are rampant. Think "Cute Kittens," "Dramatic Chipmunk," Old Spice commercials, "FAIL" and "WIN," "Demotivational Posters," Rebecca Black, etc.

(PS, Rebecca...why'd you sell out? I can't play your song on YouTube anymore and it has simply ruined my weekends.).

For fun, we made some Marymount-themed memes. We hope you enjoy. We also hope you do as Charlie W., one of our new students, did. He sent us the poster on the left, and it's quite possibly the best thing I've ever seen. 

(Warning, heavy lulz after the jump...)

Marymount College is Proud to Announce Our New Ph.D. Program!

It has been an exciting few years at Marymount College. First, we added our dynamic Bachelor Degree programs. Then our soccer program was inducted into the NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics). And now, most exciting of all, we are finally offering one of the most competitive, lucrative, and exciting doctorate programs in California!!!

For several years we have been investing large sums of money in a prestigious market research firm with the express intention of learning what the student demographic really wants from their education. We noticed a definite trend: in this economic downturn, students are interested in staying in school as long as humanly possible. Forever, if that's an option.

We've listened to the market, and, due to a very generous grant from the Punchinello-Bettis Foundation, we have developed a program that allows students to: 

• Earn six-figure salaries immediately upon graduation 
• Avoid the troubled job market for years without being unduly stressed by a too-demanding curriculum.
• Study classes as unique, special, and bold as students of the iGeneration consider themselves to be.
• Introduce themselves as "Doctor" and correct every telemarketer and restaurant host they encounter.

Read on after the break to learn about our new Ph.D. program! 

Bored? Go Clubbing!

It is a sad day for me. With a bang in Wisconsin and a whimper in Pittsburgh, football is now officially over and the dreadful spring doldrums are upon us. Thousands and thousands and thousands of basketball and baseball games will be won, lost, and tied before the next touchdown is scored in the fall. Now, like many of you, I will be left to stare despondently at the television and try to dredge up some excitement that my favorite team is a mere fifteen games behind the division leader. Come May, you'll find me alone in a dark room watching the Golf Channel and hyperventilating into an empty Doritos™ bag.

But spring need not be agony, my friends. There is a solution.

Practice Safe Social Networking - 10 Tips for Thwarting Would-Be Facebook Stalkers

We’ve googled you.

We’ve perused your Facebook, too. We’re like a jealous ex. And yes, we do wonder why that girl from your gym keeps posting such flirtatious comments on all of your pictures. You, like, totally know she’s trying to make us jealous.

This is an age of exaggerated self-importance. Sure you can film a video on your phone, post it on a website, and make it accessible to virtually the entire planet (because of course they’ll want to see it). You can invite millions of people into your personal thoughts, your pictures, your memories, your dating life (just where I want to be…in someone else’s failed romance)—and there is no animated good judgment cricket sitting on your shoulder to gently remind you that all of humanity doesn’t need to read your free-verse love poetry. Like reanimating a dead corpse (a la Frankenstein) or making a sequel to Mean Girls (equally horrific): just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should.

Read on for 10 great tips on thwarting would-be Facebook stalkers! 

When Recommendations Attack! (The Worst Letter of Recommendation We've Ever Seen)

The "Seal" of Marymount College?

Some people are just mean—straight-up awful human beings.

It’s bad when you encounter this type of person at the grocery store. It’s worse still when they marry into your family. But perhaps the very worst way you can interact with these wretched creatures is by asking them to write your college letter of recommendation.

You can’t have known the deep hatred for you that has been burning like magma within these teachers and advisers, or you never would have gone within ten feet of them. You probably liked them. You probably assumed the feeling was mutual.

It wasn’t.

I’m sure it was all they could do to keep from giggling when they told you that they’d recommended you with the highest praise. And you, poor soul, had no reason to doubt their word. How surprised you’d be, then, if you knew that they had instead made a very compelling case to us that you ritualistically torture baby seals every Tuesday night, and provided convincing flowcharts that prove that you are the sole cause of global warming.

Read on for the worst letter we've ever received...

A Day in the Life of an Admission Counselor, or, What We Do, and Why It Takes So Long

Our phones ring a lot. Aside from the urgent calls from the Oval Office and one or two from my mother asking why I'm not coming over for meatloaf, the vast majority are students (or their parents) wondering why they haven't received a decision yet. "What," they ask (and ask, and ask), "Could possibly be taking so long?" 

T.J., one of our counselors, has kindly given you a candid glimpse into a day in his life in hopes of answering this oft-repeated question. 

Marymount College Residential Life - The Movie

No, it's not the Dorm Life web-series--but it's awesome anyway.

 The idea of living on-campus--far from home and everything you've ever known--can be both exciting and a little terrifying.

"What are the facilities going to be like?" 

"Will I have enough privacy?" 

"Is the food edible?" 

"What if my roommate collects belly-button lint?"

(All valid questions. Respectively: Super-cool; Not really, but that's part of the fun; Nummers!; Hide your fuzzy sweaters.)

We understand your worries. But we want to assure you, living on-campus is one of the best parts of college, and the residential life at Marymount is one of our proudest features. We're so proud of it, in fact, that our Residential Life staff was inspired to create the best housing video ever made.

I laughed. I cried. I aspirated some coffee.

Watch it after the jump.