We’ve googled you.
We’ve perused your Facebook, too. We’re like a jealous ex. And yes, we do wonder why that girl from your gym keeps posting such flirtatious comments on all of your pictures. You, like, totally know she’s trying to make us jealous.
This is an age of exaggerated self-importance. Sure you can film a video on your phone, post it on a website, and make it accessible to virtually the entire planet (because of course they’ll want to see it). You can invite millions of people into your personal thoughts, your pictures, your memories, your dating life (just where I want to be…in someone else’s failed romance)—and there is no animated good judgment cricket sitting on your shoulder to gently remind you that all of humanity doesn’t need to read your free-verse love poetry. Like reanimating a dead corpse (a la Frankenstein) or making a sequel to Mean Girls (equally horrific): just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should.
Read on for 10 great tips on thwarting would-be Facebook stalkers!
Don’t get us wrong. We aren’t against Facebook, or Twitter, or LinkedIn, or YouTube, or MySpace (Well, I’m kind of against MySpace). We’re “on” them, too. They’re great networking tools, and they allow people to connect on a person-to-person basis in a global manner that is unlike anything the world has ever seen. Or whatever Jesse Eisenberg says in The Social Network.
In all honesty, we don’t look up every student. But we do look up some. So, here are some tips from our resident social-media geek on maintaining a postivie online identity. Most of this should be review information for you, but it can’t be stated frequently enough (Oh! The pictures we've seen.).
1. If Facebook is the window to your soul, we’re the scandalized neighbors (or peeping Toms, depending on how you look at it) standing outside with binoculars.
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| "So...you wore a new bathing suit at the beach, huh?" |
So, make your personal profile(s) private. Then, create a second, public profile (gasp!) full of goodness and light (and lots of classy business attire) that is completely open and searchable. That way, when you’re researched, you’re “good side” is first thing that will come up and no one will ever know about the tawdry secret page that you only show to your trusted friends.
This works great, but only if you make absolutely sure that there is NOTHING on your public page that you wouldn’t mind bringing to a job interview and handing to your potential boss. Yes, pictures. Yes, videos. But this also includes comments. You can de-tag all day, but if one friend mentions that crazy weekend in Cancun, it’s all for naught.
2. If you’re relying solely on privacy settings, make sure you know how to use them. Facebook doesn’t really want you to be private—it defeats the whole “open network” idea. Imagine, then, how sheepish you’d feel if you thought you were invincible in your anonymity, but in reality your entire string of scandalous profile pics readily available to the whole wide world of search engines [Somewhat like Kim Kardashian, I reckon]. If you haven’t gone into “customize settings” to change things around, they probably are.
3. Speaking of profile pics, make sure that your visible picture isn’t A) of you holding something frosty and cylindrical (and/or made of red plastic), or B) being photo-bombed by something embarrassing in the background. You may look the image of propriety, but the person behind you in the lamp shade helmet is generally going to give us pause.
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| We found this on Google...without the protected identities. |
4. Don’t “like” pages that aren’t in good taste. As compelling as it is to hand out electronic “thumbs up” like a movie critic on Zoloft, you’re tying your identity to—and expressing approval of—something that might be embarrassing down the road. How do you think the single critic who liked The Happening feels now? [“People running from invisible deadly tree B.O.?! Genius! …I’m fired?! Ok.”]
5. Put some clothes on.
6. As fervent as you are about your political leanings, at any given time a good percentage of the country disagrees with you. Apply the dinner rule of etiquette to your online identity. NEVER discuss religion or politics. Your Facebook status isn’t going to change anybody’s mind, and most people will just think you’re annoying.
7. Before you post ANYTHING, take a moment and contemplate the meaning of permanency. What you’re about to publish could be public forever—whether it still applies to you or not. Like a facial tattoo of Lebron James in a Cleveland jersey.
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8. You should discuss your most intimate emotions with your best friend, your mother, your priest, or your therapist. You should not express them to hundreds of millions of people.
You know how you feel when you ask someone, “How are you?” and they respond with, “I’m horrible; let me tell you about it.”? That’s how your friends feel when you unload your crazy baggage on Twitter.
9. Have you ever Googled yourself? Probably. Like a native Los Angelino walking by a mirrored storefront window, the urge to check yourself out is overpowering. But if you haven’t Googled yourself recently, do it now. Open a new tab (so you can keep reading) and type your name in the search bar. Do it on Bing, too. Go back several pages. Click any news story or social media link. That’s what we’ll do.
10. At the end of the day, just use good judgment. If you were standing in front of an audience of millions of people (or our Admission Committee), would you proudly display the sum total of everything you’ve posted online? Would you stand on a crowded street and shout out your tweets and status updates? Because that is exactly what you are doing. Remember, there is no privacy on the internet.
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