Email Etiquette is as Neglected as Sun Block on the Jersey Shore

Photo of Nikki's awfulsome attire from Sodahead.com

In Pt. 1, "The Problem," I detailed the decay of electronic communication, which is nearly as advanced as the decay of Nikki Menaj's fashion sense. If you read that post, you may have gleaned that while reclaiming the electronically-written word is a personal crusade of mine, it's also a pretty big deal when it comes to college admission (and, subsequently, the rest of your life).


Never let it be said that I was the type to present a problem without offering a solution. In fact, I offer 10. 


So, without further ado I present Pt. 2, "The Solution."





1. "Formal" isn't just another word for "Prom." 


An email is communication, just like talking. And as with talking, there are certain levels of formality that are required, depending on the situation. 


Because admission to college is a pretty important occasion (and also because you're probably dealing with grammar-loving academic types), your communication with the college should be formal by default. Assuming an informal tone with the admission office is a bit like showing up to a job interview in your pajamas—nobody is going to be impressed. 


What do I mean by "informal?"

• Forgoing the salutation. A formal salutation is traditionally, "Dear Mr./Ms. [Last Name],". A formal salutation is not "Hey." If you begin an email with "Hey," Chuck Norris will find you and make you apologize.
• Ignoring those pesky capital letters and/or punctuation. I mean, it's not like your writing ability is going to matter in college, right? 
• Using abbreviations: "Thx! Ur gr8!" 
• "Sent from my iPhone4," or, as we read it, "I couldn't be bothered to sit down and compose a well-thought-out piece of communication on a real keyboard so I just texted you like one of my BFFs."
• Beginning the email with "My name is..." or "Hi, I'm [your name]." We'll figure that out from your signature (If you include one. You should always include one). Also bad: sending an email with no name attached whatsoever. 
• Launching directly into whatever your question might be with absolutely no preamble, i.e. "What's your GPA requirement?"
  
  Instead, try something like this: 
  
  Dear Mr./Ms. [Last Name],
  
  I hope you are well. I have been researching [College Name], and was interested in learning more about your requirements for admission, specifically the recommended GPA for incoming Freshmen. Any information you could provide would be very much appreciated.
  
  Thank you for taking the time to address this question, and I look forward to your response.
  
  Sincerely,
  
  [Your Name]
  [Phone Number]
  [Email Address]

2. Those red squiggles under the words in your email aren't an optional suggestion.


Just as antibiotics made the bubonic plague mostly obsolete, one would assume that the prevalence of spell-checking programs would have made misspelled words an endangered species. Tragically, "creative word composition" persists as an all-too-common affliction.


From an admission perspective, we assume that you have the same access to spell-check that we do, so any misspelled words in your email demonstrate a blatant carelessness that makes us question how you managed to earn so many "A" grades in English Composition. 


3. Always try your best to answer your own question before you email your admission counselor.


We're here when you need us, and we enjoy answering questions. The interaction with our students is what makes this job fun. 


But...


We get lots of emails. Lots. Often the "new mail" chime of my inbox sounds like I just hit the jackpot on a slot-machine, and it can take a while for us to respond to everything. 


Our website is a wealth of information about Marymount, and often a few minutes of digging will provide a faster answer to your question than waiting for your counselor to respond.


Finding the answers to your questions on your own also shows that you possess initiative and the ability to research—both important factors in collegiate success. 


On the other hand, emailing us with questions like, "How do I send my transcripts," or "What is your fax number," are much less flattering representations of your self-reliance (and reading comprehension), and each one kills a little piece of my soul with napalm. 


4. In terms of tone, follow our lead.


As stated in #1, always begin your correspondence with us formally; it demonstrates respect and maturity. After that initial email, however, we might feel that it is acceptable to loosen up a bit. Frankly, formal emails are stuffy and a pain to write, and we think it's important to get to know our students personally—and for them to get to know us, too. So, if we respond to your email more casually (as demonstrated below), feel free to respond in kind.   

Hi [First Name], 

I hope your semester is going well! I received your transcript and you're file is all set. You should have a decision in about a week. Thanks!  

-[Counselor Name]

Don't, however: 

• Assume a casual tone in your first email to our office (have I said this enough yet?)
• Transfer your familiarity with your admission counselor to another staff member at the college.
• Use that level of familiarity in official emails, like requesting an appeal or responding to an offer of admission. 
• Fire off one-sentence or one-word emails without a salutation and signature. That can come off as rude. 

5. Don't use emoticons. 


Every time you send an emoticon to a college admission office, George Lucas writes another Star Wars prequel. 


6. I don't want to know about your lifestyle through your email address.


Please, please, please listen to the trillions of "admission advice" sources that recommend signing up for a bland email address that contains only your first name and your last name (and maybe a number or two if you have a common name)—that's it. 

• Use this email only to communicate with your prospective colleges. This prevents mishaps like accidentally sending a break up letter meant for your boyfriend to your admission counselor, and it also prevents you from missing your acceptance letter amidst facebook notifications and piles of advertising spam.
• It also prevents you from contracting an email phishing virus (getting your email "hacked") and spamming your admission counselor with bogus advertisements for embarrassing products. [Yes, this happens far too often].
• Speaking of spam, make sure to add all of your colleges to your safe-senders list. If we get a bounce-back from your address that asks us to sign up so you can receive our emails, we simply delete it. 

7. If we send you an email, read the entire message before you reply. 


If I take the time to write a detailed email explaining the intricacies of our academic scholarship programs, and you respond asking if we offer academic scholarships, I will make unflattering assumptions about you while slamming my head forcefully against my keyboard. 


8. "Reply all" is a traitor who is secretly plotting your destruction.


Treat the "reply all" button like clicking it will launch a nuclear missile at your grandmother. This applies to life in general more than college admission, but it is important nevertheless.


9. Emails are like diamonds: they last forever (though they don't initiate every kiss).


Always be very deliberate about what you write in an email: it will probably be read by alien paleontologists exploring Earth in the year 30,400. Seriously, emails, even when deleted, are still accessible forever. This is good, because you can always access them to reference old information (like when you sent your transcript), but bad because the time you misspelled your own name is immortalized forever in a server somewhere. 


10. We always know when a parent is sending emails in their student's name. 


Always. Always. We're like Sherlock Holmes riding a spy satellite guided by a savant bloodhound when it comes to this. The message this particular faux pas conveys is...underwhelming. 




Now that I have offered some suggestions, this is the part where I say that I'm not trying to scare you and that your emails, dear reader, are undoubtedly the most impeccably written examples of the English language since Shakespeare's sonnets. You're amazing and you have never broken these rules, I'm sure. 


...So there, I said it. 


But honestly, composing effective emails is a skill that you will be using for the rest of your life. I know that sounds suspiciously like something your math teacher probably said about plane geometry, but seriously: you will do yourself a disservice if you don't master the art of email. So even if all of this was review to you, join my crusade to end email abuse. Remember: only you can prevent spelling errors.