Preventing the College Break-Up: Three Questions to Ask Before You Commit to an Academic Relationship

You can always tell when students commit to the wrong college. It starts small. Vague feelings that they just don't feel the same way toward the school as they once did. It becomes hard for them to imagine a happy future together with their chosen institution. Their friends will try to convince them that it's just a phase (all but the bitter, angry friend who has been scorned by a bad college experience in the past). "You used to find the school so attractive," the friends will argue. "Remember the happy days when you first got your acceptance letter? It'll be like that again. It just takes patience."

But that day never comes, and the listless, demoralized students will begin to withdraw—inventing halfhearted reasons to avoid the college any chance they can get. They'll begin to spend hours alone on their computer, checking out other schools' admissions profiles on seedy college-ranking sites.

It goes downhill fairly quickly from there. 

The students' first foray into forbidden territory is usually the purchase of another school's sweatshirt. They'll tell themselves that they'll just wear it a few times in a non-threatening environment; just to see how it feels. But the thrill they get from the taboo tryst—juxtaposed with the lackluster academic stimulation they’ve become used to—is much too enticing. They eventually drop all pretenses and begin wearing the sweatshirt in public like a scarlet letter--daring their college to notice. Daring it to care.  

In the end it's made public by the Facebook status changes. First, their academic history mysteriously changes to "It's Complicated." Then, that status disappears completely and Facebook helpfully takes the liberty to announce on the public news feed that the students are "No Longer in an Academic Relationship" (which shatters any hope they had of having a quiet, peaceful separation).

Everyone will speculate, and nasty rumors will begin circulating that the students had been seeing other admission counselors for months before actually breaking it off. These will be further compounded when the students begin to post happy profile pictures with their new college—wearing the shameful sweatshirt in an obvious dig at their ex-institution.

We want to save you the pain, confusion, and lasting heartache of a broken college relationship. 

Don't get burned. Read on for three questions to ask before you leap into any kind of long-term educational commitment.

Question 1: What are the factors (support services, athletics, campus size, housing, religious background, Greek life, courses and majors offered, etc.) that will really make or break my college experience? Does the college I am considering offer them?

It’s pretty straightforward. Much like e-harmony, the objective is to match your personality with a school on "many different levels of compatibility.” Though your criteria will probably change as you mature, you’re much more likely to fall—and stay—in love with a school that meets your initial definition of an awesome college experience.

The key is to be as specific as possible. Once you define what you're looking for, you'll be able to sort through colleges much more efficiently, you’ll be better able to spot the right school when you find it, and you'll be less likely to be swayed by the dizzy fits of whimsy that strike many a freshman during their campus tours (we admission counselors can be very persuasive with our pitches).

Question 2: Can I actually visualize myself at this school? Will I be proud to attend it?

You should always take it slow.  Not vetting a potential committed relationship can have disastrous consequences. Go out with the school a couple of times. Get to know the whole campus. Meet other students (group date) that are involved with the school. Can you visualize yourself in class with them? Can you actually see yourself strutting proudly across the campus lawn?  Facebook-stalk the school. Google them. Check out their Website, Twitter Account (and blog!!!). Meet their faculty, admissions staff, and academic advisers. Does it seem like a community that you would like to join? If so, perhaps it's a good fit. 


Your first college experience will be one that you'll remember for the rest of your life—either positively or negatively. If you are with a school that you truly love and are proud to be identified with, it will be magical. If you’re with a school that you’re not all that keen on, however; it can be tragic.  

Not to scare you too much, but once you graduate you'll be tied to your college for life (for better or worse) . There's no divorcing your diploma once you've walked down that aisle in your flowing cap and gown. Make sure you're proud of it.

Question 3: Sure, the campus is nice, but do I actually want to “settle down” in the area (city, state, country, whatever) in which the school is located?

College isn't just about your time in the classroom. It's also about the social experiences you'll have, the connections and networks you'll forge, and the coming-of-age maturation that only truly happens when you're on your own and completely independent for the first time. Though you may not stay in the area for the rest of your life, you’ll at the very least have to commit to four years at the college, and the most readily available first year employment after you graduate will be in the area around campus.  If you can't stand the atmosphere around the school, it's going to tarnish what are arguably the most pleasant and enduring aspects of your time in college. 

Commuting is a lot like a long distance relationship. Sure, you might remain faithful—and you might even have a great time on campus—but it's a lot harder to forge a strong relationship when you’re never around. 

Being academically single can be a stressful and lonely time. You might start to feel like you may never find "the one." But let me assure you, there are tons of amazing colleges out there that would be lucky to have a talented student like you, and your Prince[ss] Charming is waiting somewhere to admit you into your happily ever after. Don't give up, and let us know if you want us to set you up with a nice little Catholic College that we think you'd just adore! Liberal Arts. Very student-focused. And—let me tell you—absolutely gorgeous!

We know there are many, many people out there affected by a broken academic relationship, and we’re here to help. To set up pre-commitment advising session with one of our professional counselors, please call our office at 310-303-7311, or leave us a comment below.