I love this topic, because personal statements are my favorite part of reviewing a student's application. Sure, it's fun to look at a transcript and piece together a "high school story" from the grades and activities listed (I always feel like Sherlock Holmes when I do that...the one from BBC, not the bromantic Holmes from the awful sequel with Jude Law), but I do prefer reading the personal statement for two reasons:
The really good essays, and the really bad essays.
Read on for examples of each.
Of course you haven't been to college yet, but when you write your essay, really think about whether the case you're making for admission is logically valid.
Are you honestly better prepared for a level of academic rigor and social distraction unlike anything you've ever seen because you volunteered for a weekend in Costa Rica? Do you really think you deserve admission solely because no one else in your family has ever attended college? Is winning a big football game really evidence that you're going to "shut out defeat in the game of life?"
If you worry even a little that your topic might be trite or cliched, perhaps rethink making any grand conclusions and instead just provide an honest example of your unique personality. That will always, always, always [always] be more effective.
...Tells a story.
By "story," I really mean a story. Introduction, rising action, climax, resolution. I want to be compelled...and not compelled to yawn. Pick an event that demonstrated some positive aspect of your character, and write a literal story about that event. And don't think you have to sum up the moral of your story at the end like a modern day Aesop's fable. I'll get it, I promise.
...Is short.
There is a reason we call our admission essay a "personal statement" as opposed to, say, a personal manifesto. 3 pages is really pushing my microscopic attention span.
...Surprises me with something I didn't get from reviewing your application.
Did I mention I like pretending to be Sherlock Holmes? Don't spoil my fun by using your essay as a vehicle to repeat everything that is already listed in your application. Can you imagine if Inspector Lestrade just handed Sherlock the conclusion to the case at the beginning of the investigation? Boredom would ensue. And trust me, you don't want boredom to ensue.
..."Shows" detail, instead of "tells" it.
My creative writing professors are doing cartwheels somewhere because I managed to work that writing truism into something I'm actually getting paid for, but it is unequivocally the best way to make your writing more powerful. See for yourself:
- Telling: "All of my friends did drugs in high school, but I didn't, which means I'm responsible enough to succeed in college."
- Showing: "Eric, as usual, reeked of skunky marijuana smoke. 'Wanna toke at lunch?' he asked hopefully. Annoyed, I shook my head and hiked my heavy backpack higher onto my shoulder. 'You never do,' Eric sighed."
The same point in conveyed in both, but which was more interesting and, more importantly, memorable?
Note: You can embellish a little bit when you "show" detail, so long as the story remains true. If your backpack wasn't really all that heavy that particular day, I'm not going to check-up on that fact.
...Demonstrates that you know what you're talking about.
Every college applicant, by definition, believes that they are ready for college, but according to this scary infographic from College@Home, not all of them are quite as prepared as they might think.
Of course you haven't been to college yet, but when you write your essay, really think about whether the case you're making for admission is logically valid.
Are you honestly better prepared for a level of academic rigor and social distraction unlike anything you've ever seen because you volunteered for a weekend in Costa Rica? Do you really think you deserve admission solely because no one else in your family has ever attended college? Is winning a big football game really evidence that you're going to "shut out defeat in the game of life?"
If you worry even a little that your topic might be trite or cliched, perhaps rethink making any grand conclusions and instead just provide an honest example of your unique personality. That will always, always, always [always] be more effective.
The Bad Essay...
...Is generic.
If the content of your essay could apply to any of about 7,000 other applicants on my desk, you're gonna have a bad time.
...Is unpolished.
If your essay is riddled with grammatical and spelling errors, or simply looks like you wrote it in the space of five minutes on your iPhone, I'm going to seriously question your readiness to handle one of our unnamed professors, whose deft use of a red pen would leave Shakespeare in tears.
...Is muddled.
"I grew up and bad stuff happened, then I went to France, and I really liked being in the school play and I want to be a doctor." All true, I'm sure, but now you're an inch deep and a mile of forgettable.
...Is too "cute."
Someone out there is advocating that students begin their essays with cliched "hooks" to grab our attention. This is a crime on a level with teaching the "five-paragraph essay" as preparation for college-level writing. Stop it, whoever you are. Please. For the children.
Don't start with a pseudo-philosophical rhetorical question. Don't begin with a joke (unless it's actually funny—confirmed by someone other than yourself). Don't compare yourself to an inanimate object. Don't use a trite teaser like you're the anchor for the 3 a.m. local news. And for the love of God, don't start with a quotation.
The best "hook" is quality writing, honest description and a compelling story. If you have to resort to a gimmick to convince me that your essay—a reflection of yourself—is worth reading, I'm going to doubt that it is.
...Is embarrassing.
If you...
- Spell the name of our college incorrectly
- Forget that punctuation in writing serves the important function of keeping us from asphyxiating as we read
- Misuse "their," "they're," and "there;" "been" and "bin;" "you're" and "your;" or any other basic vocabulary
- Actually compose your essay on your phone (and aren't savvy enough to delete "written on my iPhone5" from the bottom)
- Confuse tenses, i.e. "I went to the store and picks up a piece of bread that I've throw at the birds."
- Forget to put your name on your essay
- Use the same essay you used for another application and forget to switch out the names
...or any other mistake that shows us that you have put absolutely zero effort into this whole "going to college" thing: you aren't doing yourself any favors.
Always, always, always proofread.
Always, always, always proofread.
So that's it. Do the good things, don't do the bad things. It's really that easy. Just relax and let yourself shine through.
If you have any questions, you can email us at admission [at] marymountpv [dot] edu, or post 'em below.
If you have any questions, you can email us at admission [at] marymountpv [dot] edu, or post 'em below.
Great tips about proofreading. I hope we can all remain empathetic to the challenges students face in writing personal essays. I find students often struggle with being honest and vulnerable at a time when they are also feeling judged and fearing being made fun of. Starting from the perspective that admissions officers are genuinely nice people who want to get to know students better can help writers feel more secure and open.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more, Barbara. Admission counselors are some of the best and nicest people you'll ever meet (the mean ones don't last long), and nearly all of them are in the Admission field because they truly care about getting students into a right-fit school (which is a topic we've covered in previous posts). Empathy is one of our strongest shared traits, particularly because we all applied to college and wrote our own personal statements once upon a time (no fun at all).
ReplyDeleteThat being said, though students shouldn't fear being open and vulnerable, they should also appreciate the importance of submitting a polished, well-written personal statement--even if it is difficult and scary. Later in life, fear of being judged certainly shouldn't prevent them from taking the time to craft a professional cover letter, and learning early the importance of presenting the best possible face and maintaining a positive personal "brand" will be of incalculable benefit to the student in the long run.
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