Bulldozer Exhaust and Napalm Are Both Best Smelled In The Morning

If Ironman were to fly over our campus right now on his way to battle Loki's otherworldly army, he might assume that we had been the victim of an attack by The Langoliers.

(If there were any more nerdy references in that sentence, someone would find me and shove me into a locker.) 

Seriously, though, our campus looks like Clifford the Big Red Dog went on a search for the thigh bone of a Brachiosaur after we were hit by a direct blast from the spaceship in Independence Day. 

(It's dark in here. Let me out.)

The real reason, however, that our campus currently resembles where Harrison Ford could discover the glass skulls of an ancient alien race... 

(Seriously, guys. This isn't funny anymore...)

...is that we are in the process of adding more parking, upgraded infrastructure, an athletic field, and I suspect a bunker for the upcoming zombie apocalypse.

The updates are going to be awesome. First, we're going to have the prettiest parking lot in California—perhaps the world. It's replacing our old athletic field which happens to overlook Catalina Island and the Los Angeles Harbor (though now I can't stop humming "Big Yellow Taxi"). Not only will it be pretty, it will also mean that our students can actually find a parking space in a timely manner, which means they'll be on time for class, which means that the collective blood pressure of our faculty will drop substantially. 

Second, we're going to have the prettiest athletic field in California...I just wonder how we're going to shag all of the soccer and lacrosse balls that fly into the ocean. Trained sea lions, I reckon. 

Finally, though many hipsters would argue that the 50's were awesome before awesome was awesome (people wore horn-rimmed glasses without a shred of irony), Cold War era infrastructure was decidedly less efficient. Without eating the heart of a single young woman or threatening Kristen Stewart, this summer our old bones will be magically rejuvenated to match our stunning exterior. 

If you're coming to visit us this summer, we apologize that it looks like the worms from Tremors and the magnetic E.T. from Super 8 had a baby under our quad. Just watch your step so you don't end up on a Journey with "The Rock." Twice.

If you're coming in the fall, everything will be all patched up and we promise you'll like what you see.