Marymount College is Proud to Announce Our New Ph.D. Program!

It has been an exciting few years at Marymount College. First, we added our dynamic Bachelor Degree programs. Then our soccer program was inducted into the NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics). And now, most exciting of all, we are finally offering one of the most competitive, lucrative, and exciting doctorate programs in California!!!

For several years we have been investing large sums of money in a prestigious market research firm with the express intention of learning what the student demographic really wants from their education. We noticed a definite trend: in this economic downturn, students are interested in staying in school as long as humanly possible. Forever, if that's an option.

We've listened to the market, and, due to a very generous grant from the Punchinello-Bettis Foundation, we have developed a program that allows students to: 

• Earn six-figure salaries immediately upon graduation 
• Avoid the troubled job market for years without being unduly stressed by a too-demanding curriculum.
• Study classes as unique, special, and bold as students of the iGeneration consider themselves to be.
• Introduce themselves as "Doctor" and correct every telemarketer and restaurant host they encounter.

Read on after the break to learn about our new Ph.D. program! 

So without further ado, we are proud to announce our seven-year Doctorate of Philosophy from The Bettis School of Harlequin Sciences!!!

Student that are accepted into this incredible program can expect to receive the very best education from professors that are at the forefront of the dynamic and exciting field of Harlequin Science. Some of the classes we are offering include:

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BH 670 - The Developing Art of the Balloon Hat. Dr. Bonzo Babbitt will instruct a select group of Ph.D. candidates in the newest and most controversial techniques in Balloon Hat crafting. Forget Bar Mitzvahs: Dr. Bonzo has inflated, twisted, and tied hats for the Dalai Lama, The Queen of England, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (among others). Student will learn advanced methods of being the life of any Black Balloon-Tie party.

 

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PS 720 - The Squirting Flower and Political Policy. Dr. Winkie Pantaloon will examine the impacts that water-expelling lapel pins have had on Global Politics, particularly focusing on their potential effectiveness in ending sectarian violence in the Middle East.

Dr. IT, demonstrating his hands-on approach to learnin

REL 890 - Clowns and Demonic Possession, The Truth Behind the Hysteria. Dr. I.T. King will taking a probing look into the myths surrounding so-called "creepy clowns" and dissecting the truth and lies that have led to the persecution of honest Harlequins worldwide. Students will be encouraged to take an active role in dispelling these archaic fears by engaging in tasks such as wearing a clown suit in a dimly-lit parking garage and assuring passersby that they do not, in fact, have any murderous intentions.

We hope that you're as excited about this new program as we are! There are absolutely no requirement to be enrolled in the program--you don't even have to have graduated middle school. Interested students are encourage to contact our Dean of Harlequin Science, Dr. April Fools, at mbettis@marymountpv.edu to discuss enrollment and potential scholarship assistance.